Who is Henry? Henry is a lawyer. No. Henry is a student of the arts. Wrong again. Henry is a ventriloquist who communicates his thoughts to the masses through the mouths of puppets…which is a ventriloquist. This sucks. Who is Henry?

Henry is…short. Kind. Henry is a bit of a control freak, but he means well. Henry likes to wear a yellow jacket with a gray duck on the left sleeve. He bought the jacket at a Goodwill a few years ago. The duck appealed to him. He didn’t even need the jacket.

Henry wears his jacket once the morning temperature drops below 60 degrees. Baristas at the Java Joe, Henry’s favorite coffee joint, begin making his drink whenever they see the hue of the yellow jacket in the window as Henry turns the corner before entering the shop.

On days when the morning temperature is above 60 degrees, and Henry always checks, the baristas have a harder time anticipating Henry’s arrival.

On those days, Henry typically wears dark solid-colored t-shirts and jeans which do not reflect as notably in the windows of the Java Joe. But enough about Henry’s jacket. Henry is a man who likes his coffee black. Occasionally, Henry will add a scant amount of oat milk to his coffee but typically he drinks his coffee black. This does not mean to imply that Henry avoids sweets or sugary foods. On the contrary, Henry has no self-control when a donut is placed before him. The donut will hardly touch the counter top before Henry’s hands hastily handle it. Henry will tell you that it’s precisely because he enjoys donuts that he drinks his coffee black. “The bitterness of the coffee accentuates the flavor!,” he says whenever asked about his tenacious donut eating style.

Who is Henry? I’m not sure I’ve answered the question just yet.

Henry is the character I decided to conjure up instead of watching the Presidential debate.

Thanks Henry.